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Tarzan Steve Patton
Written by Steve Patton Wednesday, 10 February 2010 17:50
I joined Dr. Doug Shelton for my adventure in Africa. Our friends that were supposed to join us backed out. Their excuses were pretty lame including “well my wife is pregnant with twins and she will deliver about then.” Since the guys backed out we invited some women with us. I was married to mine, so I could not get in trouble taking her out of the country with sexual interests. The plane ride was long, but at least the device for playing movies was broken. At the airport we were dressed in skimpy clothes. We knew we did not need to dress warm until we began the hunt. We flew half the way around the globe to try the African Kentucky fried chicken, but never got the chance. I had my list of animals i wanted. I thought 4 animals would be a nice hunt.
We were pleasantly surprised when we found we were not roughing it, and that my wife, Valerie could sleep with me. It took a day to figure out how to heat the room, but we managed to stay warm the first night too. The food was excellent. Val and I both had birthday cakes specially baked for us. We are still trying to find a use for the icing on Val’s cake. Seam sealant seems to be the consensus.
I had a special surprise for the group when i shot my first animal. I had hidden a special outfit in my bow case. I would not let Valerie look in my case, so she would get the full effect of the outfit. My first animal was a waterbuck. The temperature that morning was 40 degrees. When I shot him with the arrow, I changed into ‘the outfit’. Doug is still trying to recover from the site of my backing out of the blind. Reon did not notice. He was looking for the animal. Once Tarzan call got his attention, he looked like a tomato when he saw me. Why was he embarrassed? It might have been my 4-pack abs. At fifty years old I was lucky to have abs. We found the animal. I was placing my bow in the back of the truck when I noticed the loin clothe loosening. I had one hand on the truck, and the bow case in the other. I called out, “can someone help me? I think my cloth is coming off.” I did not know a guide could move that fast. He travelled 20 yards in less than ½ a second to take my bow case. Being rather cool I changed out of the outfit. The guys would not tell the girls at the camp what I shot. When I came to the dinner table in my loin clothe making Tarzan calls they understood the secrecy. Once again Reon (not Elmay) was embarrassed by the outfit. I retired the outfit the next day. There were Tarzan calls heard all night though.
I continued to hunt, but changed some of my selected animals. I shot a Blesbuck next. I had apparently forgotten how to shoot a bow, since the previous animal. He may have ducked. The arrow hit high, so he ran a mile before I could finish him off with another arrow. His nickname is Indian Joe. When he ran the bright yellow arrow looked like a headdress.
While we were hunting, the girls did their adventures. Their adventures included playing with lion and tiger cubs, riding elephants, a camera safari, shopping, and being catered to in a very nice hotel. Doug’s woman, sue was eaten by a few cubs. Luckily they spit her back out so we could enjoy her company. Both women were excellent shopping marksmen. The jewelry safari was Val’s equivalent to my hunt. I broke down and shot a black wildebeest with a rifle.
We moved to the second camp. I saw a warthog. I was holding my hand up to measure the tusks. I was not sure if they were long enough. He was the only male shooter I saw. He will look nice on the wall. I had my picture taken with him (bottom) and my wife (top right). I did ok. I also was pleased with the hunt. I decided to take two days sitting in a blind without anything to shoot at. That is why it is called hunting. I next saw a nice kudu 48”-50”. He was the nicest kudu I saw the trip, and he will look nice on my wall.
Doug shot a larger animal. He also passed on a lot of animals that would have looked nice on my wall. He had been to Africa before, so was more patient. I could not get any other animals to come to a blind while I was there. They always visited Doug, so I could hear about it later. Since none came to visit me I broke down and picked a rifle. An impala and a blue wildebeest will keep the others company. I could have shot an Oryx, but Reon told me 32 inches would grow a lot before my next hunt.
I had warned the others that sometimes on road trips we have technical difficulties. This trip, we had the infamous Elmay bury the back tires in sand, and get stuck climbing a hill, and how do you change a tire without tire tools? We found that our 15 minute drive to the airport takes 3 hours if a trucker rolls his eighteen wheeler ahead of us. I think everyone in our group had a great time. Doug, Sue, Valerie and I would recommend this adventure to everyone. There was something for everyone. Just remember to bring your own loin cloth.
Sincerely,
Tarzan Steve Patton
